Monday, May 08, 2006

Episode 3: One Is the Loneliest Number... Next to Zero

There is an unwritten code of conduct that Portland's men in uniform must obey. As an undercover K-9 officer, Sasquatch was technically not "in uniform" (or, for that matter, a "man"). Even so, he held himself to this rigid code:

1) Never sell out your squad.
2) If you kill the joe, you gotta make some mo'.
3) Don't let your partner get kidnapped.

Squatch had broken one of these sacred rules. His partner had been abducted, on his watch. What would the guys at the precinct say? Who would tape reruns of Sanford and Son for him? The situation was dire.

One thing was for sure: he had to find Soda. And fast!

Squatch put on his protective kevlar leash and hit the streets in search of answers. His only clues: a fleeting glimpse of Jimmy "The Claw's" Tempest as it rocketed out of sight in a cloud of burning oil, and Soda's parting words: "Remember the importance of clean water!"

First stop: Cathedral Park, a known sanctuary for undesirables. Search as he might, the trail was colder than a husky's nose.

As he was sniffing the fleeting trail of what must have been a gorgeous shar pei, a train whistle pierced the stillness of the morning.

That whistle cut through the fog of Squatch's drug-clouded brain and pulled forth a memory of a report of graffiti on train cars. A new tag was being found on some of the cars; a crudely sprayed message that read, "SKORPIONS ROOL." Perhaps this was something more than the idle message of a hair metal fan with poor taste.

Squatch headed to the industrial area near the train tracks. The weather was heating up, and so was the trail. Squatch picked up the scent of burning oil in the air. The Claw was close.

Near the old Loston Foundry, Squatch discovered his first real clue: a beat-up Tempest that looked like it had been left in a hurry. Soda's telltale aroma cocktail of Aqua Velva, Doritos and Head and Shoulders Intensive Treatment was all over the place.

A series of clawprints and a Soda-sized groove led through the gravel and dirt along the road. This was their path, no doubt about it. They must be close. Good thing, too - judging by the sun, it was almost time for Sanford and Son to begin.

Will Squatch find Soda in time? What did Soda's clue mean? Do Skorpions actually rool?

Find out next week!!!


Blogger enwudz said...

Dude, the Scorpions TOTALLY rooooole!

12:30 PM  
Blogger E-jola said...

Yes, this is compelling, but make this Soda guy a busty chick and I smell mad Nielsons, baby!

7:48 PM  

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